.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
