He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Holy shit dude........stairs
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
