Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
