Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
