Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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