Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
