So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
