Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She bit a glass in half.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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