I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
