One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
