The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
