If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I AM VODKA MAN
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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