last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
