Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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