Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
