When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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