I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
