I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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