She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
