dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize