dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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