My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
