dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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