My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
