We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
