The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the raccoons are back...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
