my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
