Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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