4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
