Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize