At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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