I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
