..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
