There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
