So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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