When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize