i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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