I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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