Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
