just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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