Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
