how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
