I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
