Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
