Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
