I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
