so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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