i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
