my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
