just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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