so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
