My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
