thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
