do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
