The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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