My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
