I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
