i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
