new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This baby is an asshole
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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