Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
