I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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