and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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