Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize