Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dick very happy bro
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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